


Bloodiest Mary

by tipplerdoeswords



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Humor, havin' a good time, they just be hanging out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 05:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18204212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tipplerdoeswords/pseuds/tipplerdoeswords
Summary: Mirage makes drinks based on each legend.





	Bloodiest Mary

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone I've ever known who bartends is always thinking up drink ideas so here's Mirage doin' that.

"I call this one 'Ole Painless'." said Mirage with a wink towards Bangalore. "I made my own cinnamon infused rum because Fireball is not worthy of Anita Williams. It's mixed with fresh pressed apple cider. Simple and delicious."  
  
They were standing in one of the lounges in the Apex housing facility. Mirage had laid out the kitchen counter with a row of elegant glasses.  
  
"The Bloodier Mary is a Bloody Mary with a shot of real blood. Wasn't my idea, Bloodhound specifically requested this. It's cow blood if anyone's wondering, so definitely not safe for the vegetarians."  
  
Bloodhound raised a hand. Mirage winced a little.  
  
"Yes, I can add more blood on request. The iron will hurt your stomach if you drink too much though. I can't recommend it."  
  
Bloodhound put their hand down.  
  
"The Caustic is Bohemian method prepared absinthe with a twist." he continued. "Instead of putting out the absinthe with a shot of water, I smother the flames with liquid nitrogen. It's kinda a gimmick, but it looks cool when you prepare it. Pretty strong drink, though I do add water to dilute it afterwards."  
  
He pointed to a tall glass of blended orange liquid, with a slice of lime on top.  
  
"When you're done with the Mirage, you'll be seeing double because this baby don't mess around. Tastes like a tropical smoothie but hits like a typhoon."  
  
"Can you make a virgin Mirage?" snickered Wraith.  
  
Elliot was thrown off for a moment but recovered.  
  
"Tonight we can all be virgins." He said somberly. "Except Caustic. Absinthe doesn't really have a non-alcoholic option. It's a bizarre reversal that life has wrought upon us." A few people laughed.  
  
"What's the joke?" Bloodhound muttered to Pathfinder, who launched into a hushed explanation of human social constructs surrounding intimacy and Caustic's role in their group as the butt monkey.  
  
Meanwhile, Mirage had moved on to an electric green drink that seemed to be glowing. "If you're not Octavio, you should be careful with the Stim. And if you are Octavio, how has your heart not exploded? I don't know if people should drink this, actually. I made the recipe after staying up for two nights in a row. I'm just trying my best to be honest to the Octane brand without getting the cops called on us." said Mirage. He looked a little tearful. Wraith patted him on the shoulder.  
  
"I don't do downers." Octane whispered to Lifeline. "Will he mind if I don't try it?"  
  
"The Lifeline is a delicious strawberry milk concoction with just a hint of chai spice." said Mirage, who had collected himself. "Nothing flashy, but honestly as good and wholesome as the woman herself. Only one shot of alcohol per drink."  
  
"Wraith specifically requested her drink be gin and tonic while I was coming up with all of these. I have purple food glitter to put in it, but it doesn't really suit the drink. File all complaints to her. And now Makoa will give us a brief safety segment."  
  
Mirage moved to the side so Gibraltar could stand in front of the group.  
  
"Now everyone, I expect sane and responsible drinking this evening. No firearms or jump packs. Remember to hydrate to avoid hangovers in the morning! Do not try to keep up with those with higher alcohol tolerances. With that said I will drink any of you under the table. Thank you."  
  
Mirage beamed at the assorted legends. It had been his idea to organize a game night with adult beverages. Everyone lined up to get a drink while Pathfinder set up the Jenga tower. Some of the legends, like Caustic and Bangalore, were hesitant to join in on the fun at first. With coaxing from Lifeline, Bangalore played a few rounds of Jenga before Octane toppled the unstable stack of blocks.

"I like going for the ones near the bottom!" he protested. Pathfinder's screen displayed a sad face.  
  
Later in the evening, the group played Truth or Dare after Octane spectacularly lost three rounds of Never Have I Ever. Some of the legends were starting to detect a trend with Octane and party games. Most people were at least a few drinks in. The Lifeline and the Mirage were the most popular drinks, though everyone gathered around when Mirage prepared an order of absinthe. Bangalore laughed easily at Wraith's jokes while Lifeline dared Mirage to form a human pyramid out of holograms.  
  
Bloodhound had broken off to stand on the balcony, where they swayed and gazed up at the quarter moon.  
  
"Are you alright, brother?" asked Gibraltar, poking his head out of the sliding door. Gibraltar, despite having had multiple drinks, was still checking up on people.  
  
Bloodhound turned around and nodded. Gibraltar could hear them humming.  
  
Mirage's six man pyramid collapsed with worry after Caustic announced he was turning in. The scientist had just taken a sip of the Octane inspired drink. After Caustic left, Mirage shook his head sadly.  
  
"He might actually be poisoned. Ajay, could you check on him tomorrow morning?" Mirage asked.  
  
"Wait a second. Oh my god." said Lifeline. Her eyes widened. "Caustic was poisoned. It's a bizarre reversal that life has wrought upon us."

Truth or Dare turned into Charades, where the legends split up based on preferred squads. Bangalore had gotten over her military stiffness and was waving her arms in the air like everyone else.  
  
Pathfinder excelled at the game where everyone had to keep a straight face for as long as possible. When it came down to the MRVN and Wraith, they stared at each other for five minutes saying 'ha' and 'hee hee' in monotone before Wraith broke off howling with laughter and had to lie down.  
  
Bloodhound came back inside when Bangalore started a push up contest. Pathfinder won, as expected, but the human contestants fought hard for second place. According to Bangalore, she was the winner based on form, though technically Octane did more pushups.  
  
"You have to break plane or it doesn't count." Anita said, waving an empty glass of cider indignantly at Octane. "Pathfinder was doing it."  
  
"I was doing ninety degrees at the elbows." argued Octane. Bloodhound surveyed the heated discussion while slurping down their fifth Bloodiest Mary.  
  
The party ended around one in the morning, when Gibraltar announced that he was going to bed. Mirage packed up his bartending supplies and laid to rest the mostly untouched Stim by pouring it down the drain.  
  
 


End file.
